He’s Definitely Gay!


I hated waiting but I was left with pretty much no choice as the event was yet to start. Sitting pretty on the white chairs, I fed my mind with the passing sight of the celebrities who seemingly walked around, exchanging pleasantries and hugs. It was indeed a noisy hall as the air was filled with the bubbly laugh and chatter of the people in it.

In the midst of that noise I hear the G word, my ears immediately rise to the moment and somehow were able to pick up a conversation by two ladies who were not close enough to make eavesdropping easy but not too far away that it was impossible. This gist was worth the extra perking of ears.

“He’s definitely gay!” One declared to the other and with that came a loud sigh; “Why are all the good ones not for me, they’re either already married or terrified of Vaginas”. Her friend laughs out loud while gently patting her on the back as a form of consolation.

As I turned all the way towards them I could trace their peering eyes to an incredibly good looking man with almost as good a skin and bone structure as Jussie Smollett, dressed very stylishly and hair that looked even slicker than mine. Eavesdropping on the rest of the conversation, I listened diligently to every word that they said and wondered if they were right and said man was gay. I mean, they had flown to that conclusion with the ‘Nigerian termed qualifications of a gay man’.

Few countries have been able to accept the existence of the LGBT community. Nigeria is pretty much an exception, most folks like to pretend they’re in-existent others chuck it up to mental illness, and a couple of others are so intolerant and filled with hypocritical rage at it they want to beat up and insult folks whom they think play for the G team. I’m not here to talk about human rights because I’m neither a lawyer nor an activist. But out of curiosity wouldn’t you want to know if there is the ultimate guide to knowing the next gay ‘man’ around you?

Today, striking the balance of the non-womanizer and the gay man seems to be a problem. In the Nigerian society if a man is mostly seen with men rather than women, he is quickly considered to be gay. But when the roles are being reversed, he is called a flirt or a womanizer. Typical example, a particularly Famous BBA reality star. Even till date, some still consider him to be one, perhaps you’re one of them, nah ah, don’t pretend like you’ve never thought it.

Can we say that a man who adapts to the fashion trends is gay? The other day, I had a conversation with a group of friends where many talked about how men who get on the bandwagon of fashion trends are gay. I recall Tanya saying that a man should not be caught wearing skinny or tight-bum pants or even rocking plaids. A man should not be so conscious of ‘looks’. Come rain, come shine, a basic t-shirt and jeans should seal the deal.

But really, is that a good enough reason to consider him ‘gay’?

Who even came up with the silly idea that in our Nigerian society, a man isn’t supposed to do manicures and facials? Where is the law book stating that its solely meant for women?
Let’s face it, physical appearances; hearsay really doesn’t just cut it. And it’s not just Nigeria sef, one time I googled Black American gay celebrities (for reasons I shall keep to myself) and drakes image was the first to pop up despite having never come out as gay.

These misconceptions poised as gay determinants aren’t just plain ole non of your business conversations, but in a country like Nigeria where the LGBTQ community are targeted and they’re still mostly in the closet, trying to stay a little safe from harm it’s downright dangerous. Your ‘idle chatter’ could have hurt another man physically and emotionally.

I’m not here to shake tables, but a broken one is sometimes needed.

But hey! What do I know? I dey straight forward.


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