#MichellesMondayMotivation – Leave That Pity Party!

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Last week’s post was about happiness and I know you guys come here to get motivated which is why I write this post in the first place innit, but there are many  people who struggle with unhappiness. Don’t worry this is still a motivational post.

Everyone and I mean e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e has moments of unhappiness, sadness, downers, poor me, why me, God why? moments.

I don’t know Bill Gates but I’m certain he has moments when he feels sad. A lot of people looking from the outside often think when a person is wealthy or  successful they shouldn’t have moments of sadness. “He’s a millionaire!  If I had his money I would be living in Banana Island”. You’d also be paying all kinds of taxes.  “Go jor she is famous, how can she be unhappy!” Well the truth of the matter is those who are very wealth have problems too and it’s not just about how they will spend their money, because the problems often increase when your finances do. So believe me, EVERYONE from the famous, to the wealthy, people with a regular 9 to 5, to the woman selling lace in the market or the student freaking out about getting good exam results in school, because their parents struggled to send them to school in the first place has low periods.

Because everyone at some point or another has felt sadness it’s important to remember it’s not about “Your Sadness Is Not as Bad As Mine”, it’s about finding a way to deal with your own sadness.

self pity

 

Yes, you may have mounting bills, or are in a job that you hate. Yes you may be praying and fasting to get married. Yes, your big deal that was going to make you scream “I don hamma” (I’ve made it) may have fallen through, but you are alive. That is a huge thing to be Happy about.

I’m hoping some of you made the list I asked you to last week?  A list of the things that you are thankful for? If you did,  I’m certain for that moment and hopefully for the rest of the day you felt happier thinking at all the things you were blessed enough to have.

If you made the list bring it out and look at it again. If not write down a list of 10 things you are thankful for after reading this post. You hate writing?  (Na wa!), ok that’s fine, just run through the list in your mind and repeat it over, then again one more time. At the end of that little read through. A. You’ll find things to be thankful for. B. You’ll feel lighter and hopefully happier, C. You should be feeling less sorry for yourself and therefore less likely to have a pity party.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you have lost a loved one, or something more serious has happened, I’m not suggesting you skip into the sunset singing Pharrell’s Happy. You would certainly need time to mourn and grieve. However, if it’s a pity party you want to have because you are waiting on God to bring you a husband or find that big million Naira deal or you are trying to raise money to pay for studio time to produce the baddest track Don Jazzy has ever heard that will make you a STAARRR! then PLEASE realise that sitting drinking to drown your sorrows or going from one “pay just 5k gate fee and find your husband now now” crusade to another  will not help you get out of your “why me, poor me” solo party. You will not find the husband in your crusade at some dodgy place  (he won’t know you are there), nor will you find the mega millions deal or Don Jazzy’s number at the bottom of the bottles you downed in 1 hour!

church poster

 

You have to learn to force yourself to look at your glass as half full. Not half empty but half full. If you have to surround yourself with friends that will lift your spirits in that moment of sadness do so. Call someone that makes you laugh, watch a Kevin Hart movie. Read motivational books, quotes etc. just do whatever you can to make you wake up and leave your pity party.

The important thing to remember is you are here, you are reading this, you have a phone, laptop, or tablet… hence YOU MY FRIEND ARE ALIVE!.

I’ve had moments of inexplicable sadness. I say this because when I reflect, I realise that my moments of sadness grew because I focused too much on the things that weren’t going right in my life instead of focusing on the good things that were happening. Those who do the same will understand what I mean.  I had one a few weeks ago and when I realised it was looking like it was going to be a 24 hour pity party I was about to attend, I said “Heck no!!” I  read an email I was sent a few months ago that was positive and uplifting. I re-read it again, wrote a list of 10 things I was thankful for, from being alive, to being able to walk, talk and see,  having the love of family and a few good friends, the fact that after years of hustling in “I betta pass my neighbour Lagos” my career was on the rise again,  and I prayed. Okay correction, I had an argument with God, a full-on shouting match. After calming down I prayed, asking him to help me get out of that pity party and it worked. It wasn’t instant but doing that made me feel 80% better. If you are a believer in God then pray. Pray for him to take away whatever pain you are feeling, pray for him to show you something, anything that can get you out of the “See My Life O! “Why Me ” “Poor Me” party,  then take the action you need to, which as I said above is choosing to be thankful for the good things and seeing your glass as half full.

 

effects of self pity

 

If your sorrow is more severe than anything a motivational quote, book or advice can fix, then seek help. If it’s something you’ve been struggling with for months, or years then seek help. Google depression, Google therapist and search for one in your area. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and no, it is not an Oyibo (foreigners) only problem. If you feel you need help and praying isn’t making you feel better don’t be afraid to seek help. The therapist will not sell your story to any paper nor will they report you to your mommy and daddy! They are Dr.’s so it would be against their oath of conduct.

Remember,  everyone suffers from sad moments at different points in their lives, even when things appear to be seemingly perfect.

Everyone deserves to be Happy. In order to ensure you have more moments of Happiness than sadness, change the way you view things and deal with things.

stop looking for reasons to be unhappy

 

Have a great week and till next week, keep choosing to be Happy!

Michelle (Perseverance) Dede

 

 

 

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